The Unfairness of Life

I visited my aunt and my cousin this past weekend.  My aunt is 93 and my cousin is 70.

Both of them live in assisted living facilities.

My aunt’s place is lovely.  She has a small kitchenette, a living room and a bedroom.  All are tastefully decorated and plenty of her own things surround her.  Her gentleman friend picks her up and they go to lunch and dinners together in the main dining room.  She uses a walker now and there are definite signs of short term memory loss.  I had not seen her since my uncle’s funeral seven years ago and I feel happy that I got to visit her before I have another family funeral to attend.  We had a good visit and I even got to meet her gentleman friend who is 97.

My cousin is not faring quite as well.  Her place is considerably less appealing, just the single room with bath.  The furnishings are sparse and the look of everything is worn.  I think it would be fair to characterize the place as a warehouse of the waning generations.  Even so, she had to spend seven weeks in a hospital waiting for a room at a place that could accept her.  My cousin was born completely deaf and now she suffers from peripheral neuropathy (started at age 50) and a diagnosis of mild dementia.  She was so loved and protected by her parents.  She has a fiercely independent spirit and lived and worked on her own for many years.  Now that has all been taken away.  She is no longer independent and she is very unhappy and it is heartbreaking.  Just heartbreaking.


11 thoughts on “The Unfairness of Life

  1. I think it unfair to categorize a life as fair or unfair. Your dealt a hand of cards and you play the one you are dealt.
    Our kids’ friends lost their child to brain cancer at age 5, and it’s just what it is. My husband is managing his prostate cancer. It’s just what it is. We enjoy every day. That is the lesson I have learned.

    Like Mr. Rogers says, you look for the helpers, the people you meet in a disaster.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I am so sorry about your cousin’s living arrangements. This is just so sad. We all picture what your aunt has for our last years but unless we have the personal funds to provide that level of comfort, we are faced with what your cousin has to accept. .

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I just read your other blog, and now I have answers to a few questions it raised. Your aunt’s situation sounds great. Is the difference because of the funds available, or the kind of care your cousin needs? Her unhappiness must be very hard on her, you, and all of her family.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My cousin is actually paying more than her mom. The difference is that the nicer accommodations do not take Medicaid. When my aunt runs out of her own money, she will have to move. Her son has taken a refinance mortgage and put that money aside so she can stay in her current situation longer. He should qualify for sainthood.


  4. Situations like your cousin’s make me very sad. I so wish we could move away from warehousing the elderly. We seem to be making some progress with those who have funds to pay for a better life but it continues to be disturbing for those without significant funds.

    Liked by 1 person

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